Shyness can be defined as the awkwardness feeling or apprehension that some people may feel when approaching a known or an unknown person, or being approached by other people especially in some new situation which may be a situation of an interview, a public speech or any other event alike where it is likely to meet some unfamiliar people. Shyness is a behaviour that may come from genetic traits, the environment of a person and some past personal experiences of an individual, shy people often desperately want to connect with others, but don't know how or can't tolerate the anxiety that comes with human interaction. The degree of shyness may vary from person to person, depending on various qualities, situation, and environment of the person. Stronger forms of shyness are usually referred to as social anxiety or social phobia. Shyness may merely be a personality trait or may occur at certain stages of development in children and it is better to realize it and overcome it at the right time before it becomes a problem for you.
Reasons for Shyness
Shyness is not something that may arise from a particular situation or has its trigger point; shyness is a collective behaviour of a person over the time. The initial causes of shyness vary from person to person. Scientists believe that shyness is at least partially genetic. However, the environment in which a person is raised can also be an important factor that plays a great role in his life and is also responsible for the feeling of shyness. The main reason for the shyness is physical anxiety reaction; while at some times, shyness seems to develop first and then later causes physical symptoms of anxiety. Shyness may differ from social anxiety, which is a broader, often depression-related psychological condition including the experience of fear or worrying about being evaluated by others. The cause of shyness is often disputed but it is found that fear is mostly related to the shyness hence fearful children are much more likely to develop shyness as opposed to less fearful children. Shyness can also be seen on a biological level as a result of an excess of cortisol, which leads to suppression of the immune system. We all experience shyness differently and on varying degrees and varying situations. However, the root cause of the shyness can be concentrated down to one of the following reasons:
- Lack of Confidence: Weak self-image or lack of self-confidence is the main reason for the shyness. This can be especially relocated true to our experiences during our high school. During our school time, we would often believe that we don’t have a pleasing personality and try to imitate some other individual and land ourselves in an awkward situation and fell shy of ourselves. If you are not really pleased with your personality, then it becomes nearly impossible for you to please others with your personality. You tend to feel low on your confidence level and begin to have a feeling of losing out things from your hand and you tend to become shy on a particular situation or in front of a particular person.
- Anxiety: Yet another cause of shyness can be contributed towards the anxiety. There can be many causes for the rise of anxiety level in our body. An important interview or meeting someone special can create a lot of anxiety in our body. When we are around other people, we become extremely sensitive to what we’re doing, as if we’ve been put on centre stage unannounced. This creates a lot of anxiety inside and makes us question our every move. Our focus centres on ourselves and we forget everything else and tend to behave differently in a given situation. This can cause a downward spiral, and we tend to spoil things for us owing to our shyness.
- Fear of New People: Many of us don’t really mix up well with unfamiliar people very easily. It takes some time to get familiar with new people. Hence when meeting new people most of us have a feeling of discomfort, this feeling sometimes overpower your confidence level and begin to take shape of shyness. This is the case when we go for an interview, and interacting with some new people tends to create shyness among us and we lose our confidence. The result is the downfall in our performance during the interview owing to the feeling of shyness.
- Mental Perception: Our mental perception is something that mostly determines our actions and our behaviour. Sometimes we ourselves label us as a shy person and start feeling psychologically inclined to live up to those expectations. We may start having an inner feeling that, “I am a shy person then it must be true that I am shy. This is how I am, and this is the way things are.” This is something really unacceptable. Creating such a mental perception of yourself would be of no good to you, rather only harm you in one way or the other. And this is a very common reason for shyness.
The Three Components of Shyness
The various components of shyness are:
- Excessive Self-Consciousness: The person is overly aware of himself, particularly in social situations.
- Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation: An individual tends to see own negatively.
- Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation: When an individual tends to pay too much attention to all the things that he is doing wrong when around other people.
How to Overcome Shyness?
Many people in the world suffer from mild to extreme shyness and are struggling to overcome it. Feeling uncomfortable talking to new people, uneasiness in speaking among a large number of people or in a group is a sign of shyness. Overcoming your shyness won’t happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and of course, the desire to change yourself from within. Regardless of whether you are introverted or extroverted, we can all relate to that feeling of shyness at some point in our lives. Socially, we tend to have the misconception that the shyness is the problem only with the introverts, but this is not true. Shyness is something that has more to do with being uncomfortable with one’s self, especially when around other people mostly unfamiliar ones. Feeling of shyness may ruin some important events of our life, like appearing for an important interview, giving some speech among the crowd or meeting some new people for business purpose or personal. Shyness can ruin some best part of your life, so it is better to overcome this problem before it really takes on you. The following are some tips to assist you in overcoming shyness:
- Figure out what Makes you Feel Shy: It is very important for an individual to realize what the reasons for such behaviour are. It is very important to understand your level of shyness and how that manifests in your life. It is very important to note the reasons and effect of shyness in your life. Understand what situation triggers this feeling in you and how you react in that particular situation. Observe yourself closely and figure it out if you become shy in front of new people, while learning a new skill, when you venture into a new situation or when you are surrounded by people you know and admire. It is advisable to make a note of various thoughts that go through your head right before the shyness hits you. Once you have a clear idea of your problem, you can start working on the ways to get hold of this problem. Get help from outside if not possible to overcome the situation alone. Know your weak points well and fight back to overcome that weakness.
- Be Social: One of the best ways to overcome shyness is to make it a habit of speaking to everyone and increase your social network. Communicate as much as possible. Since you need to have the confidence to be able to speak to new people, hence you need to speak to a lot of people to build enough confidence level that when you meet some new people; you do not hesitate to talk to them. This practice creates you smart enough to encounter different people every day and you tend to learn tricks of communication, as on how to start a communication or to carry on a communication. You can start by speaking to one person and then move to two when you start feeling comfortable and slowly you tend to get hold of your communication skills that no more you need any kind of practice. This would be an effective way to overcome your shyness.
- Concentrate: It is an effective way to avoid shyness by closing your eyes and trying concentrating on your job before a tough situation appears that may need some high confidence level to deal with. Close your eyes and think about the task and the trigger points that may make you weak and lead to some awkward behaviour on your part. Now, in your mind's eye, make yourself feel confident by thinking of a solution to overcome that particular situation. Do this often, and for different situations. This can be very effective if you do this daily, especially at the time of some really tense situations.
- Find Your Strengths: Another way to overcome shyness is by boosting your confidence with your strengths. It is advised to know your strengths well in order to best analyze the situation and being aware of the fact that you have the capability to do it. When you know that you are capable of doing something or you possess the talent, then it becomes quite easy for you to perform the given task. We all have unique qualities and different ways of expressing ourselves during different situations. The need is to analyze the thing that you can take on any situation. It’s important to know and fully accept the things we do well, even if they differ from the norm. If everyone was the same, the world would be a pretty boring place, everyone has their own set of strength and weakness that makes the difference.
- Release Your Anxiety: Anxiety is something that can impact your performance greatly in a particular given situation. Anxiety and fear can feel overwhelming if you are practising to become more assertive. One needs to control his anxiety in order to avoid shyness and give out his best in any particular situation. One way of viewing anxiety is that it is blocked energy that needs to be released. We can release this energy through physical movements, like the moving of our hands while we talk, but remember not to keep your movement so prominent that later on, it becomes a bad habit for you. Another way of releasing anxiety is by taking some deep breaths and releasing out your anxiety. Hence controlling your anxiety is an important part of overcoming your shyness.
